Let me just begin the forthcoming metaphor by saying I am not a strong swimmer, and by not a strong swimmer, I mean I can’t swim. That said, these days I feel like I am barely treading water.
Life in general is great. It’s beautiful out here in California, I have an amazing apartment, and am building some quality friendships. School is going well too, and while the work load is hefty it’s satisfying. But the great expanse of pages are the waves crashing down on me. To be fair, this is my Type-A personality coming out. I am by no means failing or struggling, but succeeding isn’t as easy at it used to be. And I can handle the work load. There’s a strange system to how I get all that reading done, so that’s not really the problem. No, the problem is that in the midst of all this work I’m loosing my sense of inner balance.
I need to get better at taking time to do something small for myself on a day-to-day basis. The schoolwork is important and takes up a lot of time, so that’s why I’m emphasizing the small action, almost like a daily affirmation of the self. Something like snapping a picture of a beautiful flower on the walk to school. Or painting my nails (I did this today and felt more put together). Or baking cookies. Frivolous things to be sure, but sometimes a little frivolity leads to a lot of sanity.
I also miss non-academic writing, so I’m going to try to rededicate myself to this blog. And I want to pick up writing poetry again. I have a notebook where all my first drafts of poetry gets scribbled down, and it has been buried in my desk drawer since the move. Poetry is such a catharsis for me, and in a way, I think I’ve been afraid of that recently. After my relationship recently ended I’ve been scared to delve too deep into emotions that might cripple me while I try to start something new. But I realized this afternoon how much I miss writing poetry. So in the midst of scholastic reading, blogging, scholarship hunting, and daily frivolousness I’m going to try to work in some poetry. Maybe I’ll even get ambitious and submit my writing to journals.
I may not be a strong swimmer but I’m strapping on the goggles, cinching on the life-preserver, and piling on the floaties. Eventually, I’ll learn how to figuratively swim.